The Ramblings of a Quixotic Dad, Firefighter, EMT, and God-knows-what-else…

Posts tagged “Kirkegaard

Writing for the Dead

It was a saying he seemed to like, though he couldn’t resist modifying it.

“Write.” – “For whom?” – “Write for the dead, for those in the past whom you love.” – “Will they read me?” – “Yes, for they come back as posterity.”

I’m not a Kirkegaard expert, so there won’t be any brilliant literary analysis or some  moment of existential clarity. If you want that, you’d have to talk my wife, Dr. KindofAFireWife. She’s the English expert. I just love the quote.

It makes me think of Bringing Out the Dead  by Joe Connelly. In his book (and in the film adaptation), a burned out paramedic in New York reflects on his role as a provider. He has stopped seeing himself as anything beyond an intruder on the end of the people he is sent to help. Indeed, as he performs CPR on an elderly man surrounded by his family, the medic decides that his purpose is now solely to bear witness to the lives of those he responds to.

It’s a great book that shows the dark side of EMS through powerful satire. And let’s be honest: there is a dark side to this job. There has to be. We witness terrible things in dark places. We often share in the worst moments of the lives of those we help. Anyone who says otherwise is either ignorant or lying.

Maybe that’s the real reason I’m typing this. Maybe I want someone to know I was here. Maybe I want to let out the darkness so that it doesn’t follow me wherever I go. Maybe this is my 911 call.

Maybe I just want someone to bear witness to me.

Kirkegaard wasn’t satisfied with the saying the way it was.

“Write.” – “For whom?” – “Write for the dead, for those in the past whom you love.” – “Will they read me?” – “No!”

That’s a bit more damning.

Hell, maybe I’m a little damned, too.